When Cory Left Shawnie
by crazy-chica2
Summary: Starts off with typical Cory/Topanga fight, but when she forbids him to see Shawn anymore, will Shawn find someone he never thought about to heal his pain? *SLASH* I didn't like the ending of the last chapter so the Epilogue up!
1. One Relationship Saved and Another Destr...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything and I'm not making any money off this. Please don't sue I have. . .about seventy-three cents.  
  
A/N: This is a pretty short chapter but if you like it tell me and I'll try and get the next one up really soon. If you want to email me at: crazy_chica_25@hotmail.com . Thanks and enjoy (hopefully)!  
  
Chapter 1 One Relationship Saved and One Destroyed  
  
"Darn it Cory! It's been a two months since we've moved here and you have only gotten out of this house to go mope around with Shawn!" yelled Topanga Mathews one Tuesday evening.  
  
Cory turned to face his wife," Don't bring Shawn into this; you know how hurt he was that Angela broke up with him a week after we left, " he said in a dangerous sort of tone.  
  
"He wasn't hurt Cory! The next morning we found him in bed with another woman!"  
  
"That's how he deals with his pain Topanga! He just blocks it out! I'm the only one he will talk to about his feelings so I need to be there for him!"  
  
Topanga rolled her eyes and threw her hands up in disgust," Cory, you spend more time with him than you do with me! We're married, yet I am still number two in your life!"  
  
"Shawn is my best friend!"  
  
"I thought I was your best friend!" Topanga screamed.  
  
"Topanga this isn't about Shawn, this is about you," Cory answered raising his voice, "You're just pissed off cause Angela hasn't called you and you're not sure she's still your friend."  
  
Cory had hit a nerve with that reply, but Topanga held her composure," That is not true. Angela is still my friend."  
  
Cory, who was furious by her attack on Shawn, replied," No she isn't Topanga and you know it."  
  
Topanga snapped," Fine Cory, she's not my friend anymore but I thought at least my HUSBAND would be there for me, but no he's too busy doing absolutely nothing but hanging out with Shawn!"  
  
"Quit bringing Shawn into the conversation! He's my friend Topanga, and I thought you understood I needed to be there for him like I always am."  
  
"And I thought you would understand that I needed you too! Don't you get it Cory? You're always with Shawn. We've had this fight over and over again," tears were finally making there way down Topanga's face as she looked up at Cory where she was greeted only by coldness she had never seen before.  
  
"Shawn is my best friend, and he doesn't nag me all day long!"  
  
"Cory," Topanga breathed as she reached up to touch Cory's arm, which he pulled away, " I can't do this anymore. It's not worth it."  
  
"Good than let it go," Cory responded haughtily.  
  
"No Cory," Topanga continued, " I mean us. Fighting is the only thing we do anymore."  
  
"Topanga what are you nagging about now?"  
  
Topanga's face, and heart, broke. She had never known Cory to be so cruel, and she couldn't deal with it anymore. Ever since they had moved to New York they had been fighting non-stop. Just like my parents, she thought, we married too young.  
  
"Cory. . . I don't think I can stay in this marriage," said Topanga softly.  
  
"What?" Cory said panicking. He was enraged with Topanga sure, but did he want a divorce? Of coarse not, he had, and always would, love her, "Topanga no; we can work this out. I'll do anything, what do you want?"  
  
She thought it over and came up with her answer, "I don't want you to see Shawn anymore."  
  
"You know I can't do that," Cory pleaded, "please Topanga be reasonable."  
  
"Reasonable? Reasonable! Cory let me tell you a thing about reasonable. I didn't want Shawn to come to New York, but I packed his bag for him. I brought him for you Cory because I love you and would do anything for you, but I'm tired of having to fight for time for you. Shawn is twenty years old; I think he can handle himself! So I'm sorry for putting you in this position but I can't fight for you anymore. It's time for you to choose."  
  
Cory ran his right hand through his curly hair and looked Topanga straight in the eyes, "Topanga if this is really what you want," Topanga nodded and he swallowed back tears, " then I'll do it."  
  
She smiled a little bit and hugged Cory around the middle, "Thank you Cory; you don't know how much it means for me to hear you say that."  
  
Cory listened but did not really hear a word he said for he was too busy deciding how he was going to tell his best friend that he could never see him again.  
  
***************************************************************  
  
"Shawn I'm sorry. . ." Cory trailed off. He had just finished telling Shawn how he would never be able to see him again. They were standing in Shawn's apartment, Shawn with his back to Cory staring at the door.  
  
"Get out," Shawn spoke softly, his emotions so evident despite his efforts to conceal them.  
  
"Please Shawn. . . I'm so sorry," Cory said desperately, "You have to understand she wanted a divorce!"  
  
Shawn turned around suddenly; his eyes on fire like an everlasting flame, "Get out!"  
  
"But Shawnie-"  
  
"Don't call me that! Don't ever call me that again, but wait! That won't be hard since I'm never going to see you anyway!" Shawn yelled in fury.  
  
"But after all these years-"  
  
"After all these years you're leaving me!" Shawn turned away again and walked toward the door, "You were the one person I trusted Cory!" His voice broke. He then thrust his fist against the door and turned back to Cory.  
  
"I-" Cory started.  
  
"I mean" Shawn's voice calm, but full of misery and desperation, continued, " you were my family Cor, the only true family I ever had."  
  
Cory stared down at the floor not able to meet Shawn's eyes for he knew if he looked into those passion filled eyes, those eyes that looked older than they should have, the eyes that had been filled with pain on so many occasions, Cory would disregard his promise to Topanga. And he couldn't, he had to do this for Topanga, no matter the cost.  
  
"So this is it?" Shawn mock-laughed holding back his emotions like he did so often, "I should have known. Everyone in my life seems to abandon me."  
  
Cory gave Shawn a look that said it all. All the years they had together, all the fun and tears, the closeness they had shared. . . was gone forever. When reaching the door Cory looked back at his former best friend once last time, and walked out the door, leaving Shawn with a new wave of loneliness and sorrow.  
  
A/N: Sorry no slash yet but it will be up probably in the next chapter. . . I think??? 


	2. I Wish You Were Here

Chapter 2  
  
I Wish You Were Here  
  
After Cory had left, Shawn went into his room. Now, three hours later, he was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling in the dark. How is this gonna work, he wondered, Eric lives with me, so Cory can just never come over again? He turned his bedside table lamp on and grabbed his journal out of the drawer and began to write.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Shawn's Journal Entry in his POV*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dear Journal,  
  
Life is cruel. Why take away one of the few people that, in this miserable life of mine, has made me happy? I remember a quote I read once "Love is like a minefield, it will blow up your heart again and again." It kind of reminds me of my life. . . my "mom," my dad, and now Cory. God how "wallowing in self-pity" do I sound now?  
  
But Cory is really the only family I have ever known. I guess I still have Jack, but he's God-knows-where, and we were never that close anyway. There's still Eric, we have gotten a lot closer since we moved into the same apartment here. He always knows how to make me feel better for some strange reason.  
  
I'm very confused right now. I needed to talk to Cory today, in fact I was the one who asked him to come over. . . and then he showed up and told me I could never see him again. "Topanga wanted a divorce!" he said. Well fine then give her one, no one should make you choose between your friends, I dumped a girl for Cory once, true I wasn't in love with her but still. . . its always been me and him. I thought Topanga understood that.  
  
Right the reason I'm confused. . . really it started when Angela broke up with me. After the girl I was with (Marcy or something?) I started to think if it was really what I wanted. I mean Angela, I don't think I'm ready for that deep of a relationship. I don't know, sometimes I think I am and other times I just want to party. . . like the old Shawn. So that's when I hooked up with Marissa( still can't remember her name) and I had fun. I just need someone who is willing to have fun, then I think I could be in a long-term relationship.  
  
Angela liked to have fun, but I don't know. . . it didn't fit. I need someone who is outrageous, daring, and up for adventure. Or someone like Cory who needed me to show him those things. God I'm back where I started.  
  
Yeah but when Cory showed up today and said what he said, it killed me. It was like having someone cut out your heart with a spoon. . . slow and painful. It took a minute for me to comprehend what he said. At first I thought it was a sick joke, but deep down I knew it was true.  
  
I thought Topanga was finally over him and me being close until we moved to New York and it was all she ever talked about. Even Eric got fed up with it, and Eric loves everybody. She drove Cory to spend more time with me because of her nagging.  
  
I've finally come to realize how great a guy Eric is. He's crazy, naive, but he is up for anything. Lately I've been worried about him though, he has been depressed lately and hardly talks to anyone (except me).  
  
He talks about how its been a long time since he's been with a girl, and how he's not sure he wants to be with another one. I think he's gay, and I think he knows it. I saw the way he looked at Jack, even though no one else did. I just wish he would admit it. I think he doesn't want his parents, or Mr. Feeny for that matter, disapproving him. He gets so hurt when Mr. Mathews scolds him for any reason.  
  
He's actually gotten a lot quieter over the last couple weeks. He doesn't have a lot of friends, pretty much just me. Which reminds me of something else, how is Cory gonna visit his brother if he can't see me? I mean Topanga won't let Eric go over to their place because of the mess he makes. But Cory probably doesn't want to visit Eric anyway.  
  
Its remarkable how he used to idolize his brother when we were little, and now wants nothing to do with him. I guess people grow up, and people are forgotten. Oh well I hope I can talk to Eric later about everything, in reality he's a lot deeper than people give him credit for. I hope he's okay.  
  
-- Shawn  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Shawn placed the book back into the drawer of the bedside table and sighed. He took hold of the picture frame with "Best Friends Forever" with a picture of him, Topanga, and of coarse Cory in it. He remembered Topanga had given it to him last Christmas. He remembered how he had given her heck about it, how it was a little too tacky for "Shawn Hunter" and he had a reputation to keep, but he deeply loved that frame and the picture.  
  
He felt a tickling sensation in his throat and as he whispered to the photograph, "I wish you were here Cor."  
  
Shawn had no idea someone was watching him from the shadows of the dark room. Someone had seen him writing his pain, whispering to the photograph, and finally throwing it across the room breaking the glass and ruining the picture.  
  
Poor guy, thought the mysterious observer, I wish I could help him, even though he looks fabulous with the hurt-rebel look. Stop it Eric, the observer thought, I promised myself I would not look at another guy like that again. He inwardly sighed as he watched Shawn stare out the window into the night and mused, Oh who am I kiddin?  
  
A/N: I know still no slash but there will be eventually!! I know the few people reading this hate me for not putting it in there yet but don't worry. . . Shawn and the *mysterious observer Eric * will talk about things in the next chapter and their will be a exotic event coming up soon! Anyways hope you liked it and its not getting to boring. This chapter was basically getting to see what Shawn was thinking. Review or flame (as long as your honest) I just wanna know what you think. 


	3. Love and Lost?

Disclaimer: I still don't own it, and sadly never will.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Love and Lose?  
  
Shawn stared out the window for, to him at least, a moment that held an eternity. In that moment, in the few stars in the sky he could see, in the storm beginning to brew, memories came flooding back to him. All the agony he had experienced came back. His tears of despair soon became tears of rage.  
  
He saw his personalized coffee mug with a different assortment of pens for his writing, picked it up of his desk and threw it at the window. Through the adrenaline-filled force, the blow shattered both the window and the mug. Eric, who was still standing in the hidden corner of the doorway, soon came running towards Shawn, who had picked up his miniature boom box.  
  
"Shawn!" Eric screamed, "Shawn! What are you doing? Calm down!" Eric quickly ran over to Shawn and raced to grab the CD player out of his hands.  
  
Shawn turned around, after Eric had taken the CD player and set in on the mattress, with a look of bitter fury in his eyes, but when he saw Eric he collapsed and took Eric with him. Laying on the floor Shawn's rage faded back into anguish, and let Eric hold him there in the dark with the sounds of thunder signaling the summer storm had started.  
  
Eric remained next to Shawn, his hand playing with the silky strands of Shawn's hair, whispering, "Shawn it's okay, everything is fine. You're strong, you're gonna be okay." In his heart, Eric knew this could not be true, Cory had been Shawn's only true friend for so long. . . what was he going to do without him? Eric's other arm pulled Shawn into a deep embrace that Shawn had been missing for so long. The kind of closeness he had held with Cory was in that hug.  
  
Shawn broke away and looked at Eric with large, innocent eyes, the eyes of a lost child looking for the help of an amiable stranger, "You think so?"  
  
Eric's heart twisted with pain but what could he do now? He couldn't back out of what he was saying, Shawn never acknowledged he needed help, but here he was asking Eric if everything was going to be okay, "I know so."  
  
Shawn's wide-eyed expression vanished and was replaced by a wicked knowing one instead, "Don't bullshit me Eric," he said, he voice thick with despair and malice, "I know that I will probably never see Cory again, and you know it so don't give me that shit. You usually tell me the truth so tell me."  
  
Eric leaned closer to Shawn staring him right in the eyes, yearning to taste those full lips, but not having the courage. So he stated sorrowfully, "You aren't gonna see Cory again. . . if Topanga has anything to say about it at least."  
  
Shawn scoffed moving away from Eric and leaning his back against the bed, "I know. . . but it's weird. I thought Cory would fight for me more than he did."  
  
"He's been fighting for you all this summer, but you know he can't get a divorce from Topanga. He loves her too much."  
  
"But what about me? I know that sounds a little selfish, but I thought she was finally okay with me and Cory being close. What does she have that I don't?"  
  
"Well knowing Cory isn't in to guys, I'm gonna say she's got-"  
  
"Hey I could get him someone better than Topanga, besides. . ."  
  
"Besides what?"  
  
"Nothing," Shawn said quickly.  
  
"Come on Shawn, tell me."  
  
"No I can't. . . we promised we would never tell. . ." he trailed off.  
  
"Shawn. . ." Eric declared, "if you tell me whatever it is you promised, then I'll tell you something I have just recently found out about myself."  
  
Shawn raised an eyebrow incredulously," Fine. . . but you go first." After all, Shawn thought, if he doesn't say anything good enough I won't tell him about. . .  
  
Eric interrupted Shawn's thoughts, "Shawn," he disclosed, the emotion apparent in his voice, "Shawn. . . I think I'm gay. . . no I know I am."  
  
Shawn half-smiled, Eric who had imagined several different reactions, did not even think of someone smiling when he told them. He had thought about everything from "Eww you mean you like guys?" to Shawn running out of the room screaming "EEK! Get away from me! I might catch it!" He knew the latter was foolish (*so was the first* he thought) but it was very un-Shawn like. *So was 'Eww you mean you like guys?' come to think about it Eric thought.  
  
"Why are you smiling?" Eric queried.  
  
Shawn turned to face Eric again, a look of respect in his eyes, "Eric I knew."  
  
Eric's eyes expanded, "You knew? How?"  
  
"Oh come on. . . I saw the way you looked at Jack. . . even if the others didn't."  
  
Eric's face reddened in embarrassment. He hadn't known his feelings for Jack were so obvious, "Oh."  
  
"Hey. . . it's okay. It doesn't change anything. I don't expect you to hit on me or anything like that. . . everything's cool."  
  
Eric felt stung. He doesn't feel the same way, he mulled over miserably, come on you knew he didn't. He's straight remember? At least he's still your friend, get over it Mathews.  
  
"Really? You're okay with it?" he questioned hiding his aching spirit.  
  
Shawn waved a hand saying not to think anymore about it, "Of coarse I am. It doesn't change who you are. But. . ."  
  
"But what?"  
  
"Are you gonna tell your parents, or Mr. Feeny, or. . . Cory?"  
  
"I don't know if I can. It's gonna be hard to, but it feels like a giant burden has been lifted off my chest having someone know. I guess I will someday, but I dunno when."  
  
"Yeah," Shawn pondered, "Are you gonna tell Cory? Soon?"  
  
"I dunno. I'm not allowed over at their apartment because of the Ice- Queen so I don't know when I'm going to see him anymore. Maybe I'll call him and we can have coffee together."  
  
Shawn's eyes went glassy, "Oh right."  
  
"You can come too," Eric said swiftly noticing Shawn's expression, "I know Cory misses you and wants to see you again."  
  
"I can't. . . if Topanga-"  
  
"Who cares about Ice-Queen? Cory wants to see you and you know that."  
  
Shawn smiled dejectedly, "I know he would," he turned to Eric, "Yeah I'll go."  
  
"Okay good. Hey Shawn?" Eric said suddenly.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Eric suddenly knew he had to do it, that he couldn't live without it for another day, and so he did. He put his hand behind Shawn's head and pulled him close until their lips met. A bolt of pleasurable electricity went through Eric. Half of him couldn't believe he was kissing someone whom he had admired for so long, and the other half was surprised. . . Shawn wasn't pulling away. In fact he was progressing, opening his mouth a bit daring Eric to explore. . . which he gladly did.  
  
While Eric was in the middle of discovering the inside of Shawn's mouth, just as suddenly as they had began, they stopped. Shawn jumped up, leaving Eric sitting on the ground with an uncertain expression.  
  
"I'm sorry," Shawn stammered, "I shouldn't have done that."  
  
"You shouldn't? What" Eric asked.  
  
"I shouldn't have. . . let you. . . um. . .never-mind. I just need to. . .go for a walk. I'm sorry."  
  
Shawn started walking toward the door, grabbing his notorious leather jacket, "Wait. . .Shawn! It's late! You can't go out by yourself!"  
  
Shawn turned around, "I just need. . . to go to. . .do something. I. . . have to go to the grocery store," he lied.  
  
"What? Wait."  
  
"What?"  
  
"What was your secret anyway."  
  
Shawn stared horrified. No I can't tell you, he thought, not after this. You can't know what we did. I can't tell anyone. . . ever.  
  
"It's nothing," he lied again, "Listen Eric I'm sorry but, I can't do this with you. I'm sorry." I want to but I can't, he thought, please understand. With that thought he was out the door.  
  
I'm sorry too, Eric attempted telepathy after Shawn had left, I'm so sorry. I just ruined our friendship with that stunt, but. . . I love every minute I'm with you Shawn. . . I can't lose you.  
  
  
  
A/N: Okay a little bit of slash, but the "event" I was talking about in an earlier chapter isn't up yet. I hope you like it so far. But what is Shawn's secret eh? What they do? Review for me please! I'll try to get more up soon, if people tell me too! 


	4. Schemes, Duckies, and a Gas Station

Chapter 4  
  
Schemes, Duckies, and Gas Stations  
  
  
  
Walking here was such a brilliant idea Hunter, Shawn thought, God I don't even know what I'm gonna do. What am I just gonna stay in this store for the rest of the night? No I can't do that. . . but it is open twenty- four hours. I've run away a million times and I always know what to do. . .why not this time?  
  
Shawn knew the answer to this question though, he had always had someone stop him or he stayed with Cory, but Cory was not going to be any help this time.  
  
The middle-aged man behind the counter of this tiny gas station eyed Shawn suspiciously, and Shawn couldn't blame him. Here he was soaking wet in his leather jacket with nowhere to go, and without a car as the man had certainly noticed.  
  
"So what do you want?" the man said anxiously, "I mean you don't have a car do you?"  
  
"What? No. . . I um. . ." Shawn didn't know what to say, "I just needed a walk that's all."  
  
"It's eleven-thirty on a Sunday night and you need a walk?"  
  
Shawn felt slightly annoyed, but since he had walked this far to a place Eric would not find him, he decided to play it nice, "I just had some. . .issues with my roommate."  
  
"Girl?"  
  
"No, he's my friend," Shawn answered.  
  
"Okay," the man said pleasantly enough, "So what happened? I mean I don't get a lot of people 'round this time of night and I figure you could use someone to talk to."  
  
Shawn looked puzzled, he hadn't met very many people in New York but those he had were always rushing and here was this guy chatting up a complete stranger. He shrugged, "It's nothing."  
  
"Oh now come on, here," he said pointing to a chair near the counter he was working at, "sit down, I'll get us some soda, what kind you want?"  
  
Shawn decided he would talk to this stranger, what could be the harm in it after all, " I'll take a Root Beer please."  
  
"Please? No one says please 'round here, where you from?" he questioned as he went to grab the drinks.  
  
"I just moved here from Philly a few months ago."  
  
"Oh. . .you were brought up pretty good then?" the man remarked as he gave Shawn his Root Beer.  
  
Shawn snorted, "Hardly. My mom took off twice, and my dad was always leavin'; he never could stay some place for more than two weeks. How 'bout you? You from around here?"  
  
"I've lived here for about five years now, but I was born an' raised in Texas."  
  
Shawn smiled a bit, "You do kind of have the southern drawl, not to mention the southern hospitality."  
  
The man laughed a little, "Yeah I guess, by the way my name's Dave."  
  
Dave held out his hand and Shawn shook it, "I'm Shawn."  
  
"So Shawn," Dave said as he handed Shawn a can of Root Beer, "what happened with your roommate?"  
  
Shawn didn't know what to say. How am I gonna tell a complete stranger that I'm think I'm in love with my GUY roommate? Yeah that'd be a great thing to say.  
  
"Um. . . my roommate's brother is, was, my best friend-"  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Um.his wife."  
  
"Oh I get it. She was jealous about him spending time with you, I've been there."  
  
"Really?" Shawn asked incredulously, "Did you guys work it out?"  
  
Dave shook his bald head sadly, "Well. . . no, actually I haven't talked to him for twenty years now."  
  
"Oh," Shawn said disappointed. He had hoped if Dave had worked it out, there would be a chance for Cory and him, "that's not exactly reassuring. Do you miss him?"  
  
Dave stared at Shawn with caring brown eyes, "Of coarse. We were inseparable, until he got married. He was married right after college, didn't even have a job. She got fed up with me always comin over to his house and us takin off, and then she got a job transfer to Virginia and I haven't talked to them since."  
  
"But listen Shawn, you need your best friend don't you? I regret every single day about never calling my friend. I don't care if his wife had a fit anymore, I just miss Tom and it will never be the same."  
  
Shawn sighed, "Yeah I need him."  
  
"Then find a way."  
  
Shawn smiled, "Thanks Dave."  
  
"Anytime. It was nice meeting you Shawn."  
  
"Yeah, you too. Thanks for the Root Beer." With that Shawn walked out of the gas station with his heart a little lighter, but another thought crept back into his mind. What about Eric?  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Who is it?" asked a very tired Cory. Who in the world was banging on the door at 12:30 in the morning and waken both he and Topanga up. He opened the door. . . Eric.  
  
Topanga sighed crossly, "We can't get rid of any of them! Eric you're not allowed over here, especially at 12:30 in the morning!"  
  
"Ice Queen I need to talk to Cory."  
  
She threw up her hands in aversion, "I'm going back to sleep."  
  
When Topanga left the room Eric continued, "Shawn flipped out again."  
  
Cory's suffering heart twisted in agony, "He did?"  
  
"Of coarse he did Cor. What? Did you think he wasn't going to? He loves you. You're the only family that has ever stayed by him. . . until now," Eric's eyes narrowed, "Do you even what to see him?"  
  
Cory looked at Eric in amazement, "Yeah, but I can't. I miss him so much. I miss our walks in the park, our schemes, talking about everything. . ."  
  
Eric's brow furrowed, "And I thought I was the one that liked Shawn."  
  
"-going to Chubbie's, what do you mean?" Cory asked inquiringly.  
  
"Cory I'm-" he started.  
  
"Will you guys keep it down! I'm trying to sleep!" came Topanga's loud yell.  
  
"Sorry hun!" then Cory whispered, "You're?"  
  
" Cory, I'm gay, but this isn't about me, this is about Shawn."  
  
Cory looked dazed, "When are you gonna tell Mom? Or Dad? Or Feeny?"  
  
"Cory, do you wanna see Shawn or not?"  
  
That broke his state of confusion, "Yeah! You can do that?"  
  
Eric smirked, "I am the master of schemes-"  
  
"I thought Shawn was the master."  
  
"Fine but I'm the runner-upper, okay?"  
  
"Runner-upper? Eric are you drunk again?"  
  
"No, I just like the word."  
  
"Better than you're rubber ducky?"  
  
"Never! Duckies rule! But anyway Cory, you wanna see Shawn right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well you can meet him everyday."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Just say you're looking for a job, and then after a week say you found one."  
  
Cory's face lit up for the first time since Topanga had said he couldn't see Shawn anymore, "That could. . . I'm gonna see Shawn! Yay yay yay!"  
  
Eric shushed him," Be quiet! We don't want Her hearing!"  
  
"Oh yeah, but I'm gonna see Shawnie!" he smiled from ear to ear.  
  
"Cor there's just one more thing. . ."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Um. . . I might of. . . um. . . tried to kiss Shawn."  
  
Cory's smile vanished. He groaned and fell on the couch behind him, "What? No you're just joking right Eric? Right?"  
  
Eric shook his head.  
  
"Where is he now?"  
  
"I have no idea, he could be anywhere."  
  
"Great. You have no idea where he could be?"  
  
"No, sorry Cor."  
  
"We have to find him, I need my best friend and I don't want him to get hurt."  
  
"Ice Queen already killed him by taking you away, that-"  
  
"Eric she's just frustrated! But we need to find Shawn, and this time I don't care what she says," then he asked slowly, "Eric are you and Shawn together? I mean you're not in love with him or anything right?"  
  
Eric didn't answer. 


	5. A Trip and a Search

Chapter 5  
  
A Trip and a Search  
  
Cory searched, all the while praying Topanga was still asleep, and searched although knowing he could never find Shawn in this colossal city. Eric hadn't even come with him, he had said something about a trip, but who could take a trip at a time like this? No one knew where Shawn was, and Cory was beyond terrified. He had always been there for Shawn when Shawn tried to push him away, and now Shawn was supposed to be out of his life forever?  
  
How could I have done that to him, thought Cory, how could I have made him feel that kind of pain? I never wanted him to feel pain, and now I'm the reason? How could I have done that? I hate it when he does this, doesn't he know I'll always be there for him? How was he supposed to know that, came a sickening thought, when you told him you could never see him again?  
  
Cory sighed, he was ready to give up hope at ever finding Shawn, and decided to go wait in Eric's apartment to see when (if) Shawn would ever come home. They had given him when an extra key when they first moved in and now he just prayed Topanga would understand why he wouldn't be there in the morning. She used to understand didn't she, Cory thought?  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Eric had known what he needed to do right after he had left Cory's apartment: Find Feeny. His mentor had been there for him whenever he needed him, and was about the only person in this world who had never given up on Eric.  
  
"I'm not here to judge." Eric could almost here him say the words. Cory had told him what Mr. Feeny had said when Shawn had decided to become a girl for an undercover journalism story. Eric knew Mr. Feeny wouldn't judge him for having feelings for Shawn (and Jack). Actually Mr. Feeny probably already knew Eric was (in love with Shawn? Jack?) attracted to men.  
  
Eric smiled sadly. Shawn Hunter was definitely one of the most versatile people Eric had ever known. Sure his mood swings are hell for everyone who knows him, and he drives everyone away every single chance he gets, but Eric loved him for that. It was what made Shawn who he was. But do I really love him, Eric thought, what about Jack? What is it with me and the Hunter boys?  
  
So now here he was driving, at 2:30 on a Monday morning, to see an old friend. He hadn't even packed clothes, nor gone back to his apartment at all but he knew he'd made the right decision. He needed to talk to Mr. Feeny, and the sooner the better.  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Cory sighed and ran a hand through his prominent curly hair. He was standing outside Shawn and Eric's apartment soaking in all the memories. Not from here, but instead from Philadelphia. He remembered everything Shawn had been through, and how Cory had been there the best he could every time. He recalled Chet dieing, Verna leaving twice, and then not even being Shawn's real mom, how Shawn had two brothers that he hadn't been there this time and that made his heart bleed with guilt.  
  
He had failed. Cory had failed Shawn. Shawn his best friend. Shawn who had gone through hell, and Cory let him down. How would he ever make it up to him? How *could* he ever make it up to him?  
  
Cory pressed his forehead against the durable wooden door of Shawn's apartment. Never so much pain had he felt, not even close. The most similar feeling he had felt was when Topanga had called their wedding off, but Cory hadn't done anything wrong there and he knew it. He also knew they would be together because no matter how stubborn Topanga was, she didn't even compare to Shawn. Shawn had held a grudge against his father until the day he died.  
  
Please understand Shawnie, Cory silently prayed, I need you as much as you need me so please understand.  
  
Cory rubbed his temples and finally unlocked the door. He entered the dark room noiselessly with a fluid motion he surely hadn't had in his clumsy high school days. Silent and smooth as a fox, Cory strolled across the dark living room into Shawn's bedroom.  
  
Cory stared at Shawn's favorite part of his bedroom, his window, and found a square hole with fragments of broken glass still in the vane. Raindrops from the storm were streaming into the freezing, wet bedroom.  
  
Cory turned away from the clutter of destroyed window and the rainwater, and leaned his back into the wall sinking down onto the floor as he had done in Topanga's room more that four years ago when he had though he'd lost her.  
  
"Shawnie," he breathed hoarsely, "where are you?"  
  
Cory felt extremely exhausted from his pursuit after Shawn, in fact he could barely keep his eyes open. Cory walked into the living room in order to sleep on the red-vinyl couch. He flicked on the light, and was astonished to see a familiar body already laying there looking unpleasantly cold with no blanket for warmth, and vulnerable with a grimace on a normally stoic face. No doubt, Shawn Hunter was obviously miserable even through sleep.  
  
Cory got the comforter off Eric's bed and tucked Shawn in like a true family member.  
  
Shawn probably has never had anyone do that for him, Cory thought with dismay.  
  
Cory placed a piece of thick hair that had fallen astray into Shawn's eyes behind his ears and spoke softly, "I won't ever abandon you again Shawnie, please believe me."  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Mr. Feeny," Eric shouted standing outside of the gate in George Feeny's back yard, "Mr. Feeny! MR. FEENY!!!"  
  
George ran out in his robe clutching his heart with Dean Bolander-Feeny clinging to his shoulders.  
  
"Mr. Matthews? It's five-thirty in the morning! What are you doing home?" Mr. Feeny questioned.  
  
"George I'm going back inside, would you like me to make you some coffee?" Mrs. Feeny asked.  
  
"Sure dear I'd---"  
  
"Yeah thanks Mrs. Feeny, but make sure mine has four scoops of sugar and no crème okay?" Eric interrupted.  
  
The Dean rolled her eyes, walked back inside her new home, and muttered something that sounded oddly like "We should have lived in my house."  
  
"Mr. Matthews what are you doing here? What about New York?"  
  
"The 'Windy-City'? It's great!"  
  
The wise elderly man knew there was something that drove Eric back to the security of his hometown, "Come now Mr. Matthews both you and I know there's something troubling you, let's have it."  
  
Eric shifted his feet anxiously; he had no idea how he was going to say this to Mr. Feeny.  
  
"You know Eric, the harder it is to tell someone something, the more support you need from them. Remember I'm not here to judge."  
  
That comment made Eric sure he could tell his long-time mentor, "Mr. Feeny we've known each other for what? Twenty-four years now?"  
  
Mr. Feeny smiled, "Yes I believe so, and never yet in your life have you and I come across a situation we could not handle, so please tell me what is going on."  
  
Eric stared George in his calm, gentle eyes, "Mr. Feeny I think I'm in love with two different people."  
  
"Well Mr. Matthews things could be worse."  
  
"They're Jack and Shawn."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N Hey to the (5) people reading this! I dunno if I can write Feeny but I tried, I hope he doesn't sound too OOC.  
  
I just wanted to say a special thanks to Wicked Wonder (whose story's kick ass) and Peekaboo for reviewing this story more than once. Thank you!!  
  
Well I think I have a pretty good idea who's gonna end up with who. Now all I have to do is figure out how. Oh and I'm sorry it took me like 2 weeks to get this chapter posted. Between college and writer's block it was hard, but 3:30 in the morning is great! 


	6. Stay or Go

Chapter 6  
  
Stay or Go  
  
Shawn opened his eyelids only a few moments before sunrise. He rose and looked behind the couch toward the window expecting to see the shades drawn shut. It was part of his morning routine. First he would wake up and step out of bed, walk into the living room, pull the blinds open, start his coffee, and watch the sunrise.  
  
After he had his coffee he would sit on Eric's beanbag chair until Eric woke up, walked in and said, "Get off of Francia, only I can sit on her."  
  
Then Shawn would say, "Morning to you too Eric." Shawn had never asked why Eric called his chair Francia; it was just an "Eric thing."  
  
Eric would then come sit on the floor drinking his coffee out of a mug decorated with ducks, and they would watch the city wake up to a new day.  
  
But today was different; there was no Eric, but there was a different Matthews.  
  
"Cory!? What are you doing here?" Shawn breathed.  
  
Cory was fast asleep though, lying on the beanbag chair.  
  
"Cory what are you doing here?" Shawn whispered as he walked toward his former best friend. He thought about waking him, but then thought better of it.  
  
Shawn grabbed the notepad from beside the telephone.  
  
Didn't Topanga give me this notepad, Shawn wondered, yeah she did. She said she couldn't stand that Eric and I never took messages.  
  
Shawn looked at Cory again, sighed deeply, and began writing the note. He was going to have to leave New York if he was going to save Cory and Topanga's marriage.  
  
Cory's with her, Shawn thought, not me. He remembered a dream he had last night that made him feel very uneasy. He had dreamt he was running away from someone, but he could never see who. Whenever he got closer to the person, he would run behind something and never got the chance to see his face.  
  
Is that what you want, he asked himself, do you really want to be running your whole life? What else am I suppose to do?  
  
Cory's snores interrupted his thoughts for an instant, and he smiled towards his oldest friend forgetting all that had gone on recently. For that second in time they were just two friends in the same apartment, as if they fifteen years old in Jonathan Turner's apartment again. Just like when he was fifteen, Shawn was still lost and lonely, his dad and mother were gone, but now there was no Jonathan. Shawn wasn't even sure there was Cory.  
  
So what is it Hunter, Shawn asked himself, stay or go?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*** Eric stared George in his calm, gentle eyes, "Mr. Feeny I think I'm in love with two different people."***  
  
***"Well Mr. Matthews things could be worse."***  
  
***"They're Jack and Shawn." ***  
  
Eric shifted uneasily staring at a small ladybug crawling on his side of the fence as he waited in anticipation for Mr. Feeny's next comment.  
  
"You definitely have diverse tastes Mr. Matthews. The Hunters have nothing in common whatsoever."  
  
Eric looked up at Mr. Feeny and away from his ladybug, "What?"  
  
"I just stated the Hunters are-"  
  
"I know what you said but.you're not upset?"  
  
"Eric did you expect me to be upset?" the old man smiled gently, "I have seen you interact with Jack in a way that seemed to be more than just friends, and I know how much it hurt you to see him go into the Peace Corp. with Rachel."  
  
Eric half-smiled, "So does this mean you're not gonna give me hugs anymore?"  
  
Mr. Feeny looked at Eric stoically, "When did I ever give you hugs Mr. Matthews?"  
  
"Oh Feeny you know you love me!" Eric jumped over the fence and gave Mr. Feeny a bear hug, "when are you gonna say it?"  
  
Mr. Feeny patted Eric on the back before backing away looking embarrassed.  
  
"Say it Feeny."  
  
"I most certainly will not."  
  
"Say it Feeny! Say it!"  
  
A blush crept onto George's face, "Mr. Matthews I love you like the grandson I never had."  
  
"Thank you Mr. Feeny," Eric said more mature than George had ever seen him, "but what do we do about Shawn and Jack?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
As the sun finally poked its way through the blinds of Shawn's apartment, Cory squinted and opened his eyes.  
  
"Ouch my back," he said as he slowly got off of the beanbag chair and walked over to the couch where Shawn had been sleeping only to find him not there.  
  
Cory sighed. He knew what must have happened. Shawn had woken up earlier than him and ran off. He turned toward the phone to see what had confirmed his idea: a crumpled note.  
  
Cory read the note:  
  
Cor,  
  
What are you doing here? Topanga would kill you if she knew where you were and I can't let that happen. I just think that you're better off with her than you are with me so go back to her and forget about us. You'll always be my best friend okay? So just go live you're life with her. I'll be fine.  
  
Shawn  
  
"Dammit Shawn!" Cory cursed out-loud, "I need you both!"  
  
He does this every time something gets rough, Cory thought angrily.  
  
"What's this 'dammit Shawn' stuff about?" Cory heard a familiar voice say.  
  
Cory spun around and Shawn continued walking into the room with a towel over his waist," I mean the first words a guy hears after a shower is his name being cursed? Not a good way to start off the day. Cor there was a reason that note was crumpled up."  
  
Cory stared at Shawn incredulously, "So what are we gonna do then?"  
  
"I don't know. . . Topanga's gonna be furious no matter what we do so I don't think it matters."  
  
"Yeah I guess. . . but don't you remember Jennifer?" Cory asked out of nowhere.  
  
"Yeah. . .what about her?"  
  
"Topanga was the one who put us back together? She said no one could ever replace a best friend no matter how hard they tried and now. . ."  
  
"She kind of hypocritical?" Shawn offered.  
  
"That wasn't what I was gonna say. . .but that kind of true anyway. I don't know. . . " Cory trailed off.  
  
" Hey Cor you would never judge me for anything would you?" Shawn asked suddenly.  
  
"No. . ." Cory replied cautiously.  
  
"Okay I knew you wouldn't but. . .I think I'm in love with Eric." 


	7. Important News

Disclaimer: Don't own it.  
  
Chapter 7 Important News  
  
"Your what!?" Cory managed to say finally breathlessly, "My brother Eric? The 'Duckie's Rule' Eric?"  
  
Shawn stared at the floor unable to meet Cory's questioning gaze. He shuffled his feet awkwardly, "Listen Cor. . ."  
  
"When did this happen? I mean. . . Shawn. . . it's Eric."  
  
Shawn smiled at the floor, "I know but. . . he's really sweet, and childish, and up for anything you know?"  
  
Cory furrowed his brow, "Well Shawnie," Cory sighed, and then smiled for the first time since Shawn had confessed his love, "Would you be happy with Eric?"  
  
"Cor I would be genuinely happy. . . if I was with Eric," Shawn answered looking at Cory smiling, but with a smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.  
  
"What do you mean 'if you were' with Eric?" Cory inquired.  
  
Shawn shrugged and turned his back towards Cory therefore avoiding his eyes, "I just think he's still in love with Jack."  
  
Cory hung his head and sighed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"On the road again, oh I'm on the road again!" Eric sang on a particular bad note, but enjoying himself all the same.  
  
He and George had miraculously figured out what he was going to do, but they had also agreed not to say anything to his parents quite yet.  
  
That would be a great conversation wouldn't it, Eric imagined how it would go:  
  
First the Matthews would all be sitting at the dinner table eating; unaware their perfect lives were about to be disrupted. Shawn would be sitting in between Eric and Cory, just as it always had been, and Topanga would be sitting on the other side of Cory. Alan and Amy would be sitting by Morgan, whom sat next to Eric, and Mr. Feeny would be outside in his garden exactly it had been ten years prior.  
  
Cory would probably be eating his food as though he were a sickly dog who hadn't eaten in two weeks by rushing through his meal utterly anxious and jumpy.  
  
Eric smiled at the thought of his little brother. It was strange to think that only a few years ago his little brother had idolized him, but now he had a life of his own. He had his own wife, his own apartment; Cory Matthews had definitely grown up.  
  
Eric couldn't help but frowning though when he thought of Topanga. She had been such a nice girl when she was younger, but the divorce of her parents turned her into much more of a neurotic person when it came to dealing with relationships.  
  
She deserves a break, Eric thought kindly, she just needs time to realize how different she and Cory are from her parents. She'll understand someday.  
  
Eric turned the radio up as he made his way back into the city.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Shawn how could Eric be in love with Jack? Jack is straight," Cory said confused.  
  
"I know that, and I think deep down Eric knows it, but just because Jack's not in love with Eric doesn't mean that Eric's not in love with Jack," Shawn answered wisely.  
  
Cory was about to say something when the telephone rang.  
  
"Machine will get it," Shawn said as the answering machine beeped.  
  
"Hi you've reached Shawn Hunter and Eric Matthews. We can't come to the phone right now but if you leave your name and number we'll get back to you. Thanks."  
  
"Original phone message Shawn," Cory said sarcastically.  
  
"I know."  
  
The caller began speaking, "Eric? Shawn? If you're there pick up the phone. It's me Jack. I've got some important news. Come on-"  
  
Shawn raced to the phone, "Jack? Hey what's so important----oh,. . . really? Well I guess congratulations . . . yeah I'll tell him. Then are you coming back to the states? Really? Good. Yeah. . . tell her we said hi. So you're coming back in November? Right, but you're not. . . okay, yeah until December. Alright Jack. . . uh huh . . . bye."  
  
"What was that about?" Cory asked anxiously, both him and Shawn unaware of a figure entering the room.  
  
Shawn sighed heavily, "Jack's getting married to Rachel in December."  
  
  
  
"He's what?" asked Eric.  
  
Both Shawn and Cory turned suddenly to stare at Eric, "Eric I'm sorry. . . I was just telling Cory, . . . I didn't want you to find out like this."  
  
Eric smiled and walked over to Shawn, "Good for Jack. He's going to be happy Shawn, and so am I." He kissed Shawn gently on the lips as yet another person walked into the room.  
  
Topanga caught her breath as she saw Eric and Shawn.  
  
The three men gasped, "Topanga!"  
  
Topanga had tears down her face as she ran to Cory. He put his arms around her and whispered, "What is it honey?"  
  
Topanga wiped her eyes, "I came here to apologize to Shawn for being so awful but I know the reason why I was. My mood swings have been so awful lately-"  
  
" I know," said Cory playfully.  
  
Topanga laughed, "I'm sorry Shawn."  
  
Shawn hugged her, "It's okay Topanga."  
  
Topanga looked up at him, " Are you with Eric?"  
  
Shawn broke away from her and put his arm around Eric's waist, "Yes I am."  
  
"Oh. . . okay." Topanga said wiping her tears away.  
  
"I'm with Eric," Shawn smiled.  
  
"And Jack's getting married to Rachel," Eric said imperturbably.  
  
"And I'm pregnant," Topanga exclaimed.  
  
"What?!?!" Cory screamed.  
  
"Oh sorry hun, did I forget to tell you?" Topanga giggled, "Must have slipped my mind."  
  
"What will Mr. Feeny say?" Eric said lightheartedly.  
  
A/N Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up, I kept writing it and then erasing it because I didn't like the way it turned out but this seems like a "Boy Meets World" ending to me. I tried to end it cheerfully. This is probably the end of this story, but if enough people want me to do a sequel then I might. Anyways tell me how you liked (or hated) it. 


	8. Epilogue Secrets Revealed

Disclaimer: Don't own them now and never will.  
  
Epilogue in Shawn's POV Secrets Revealed  
  
The stars shining down upon us were almost as beautiful as the stars lighting up Eric's eyes as he sat next to me, his arm around my waist. The touch of his graceful hand sends jolts of electricity through my heart.  
  
He looked at me and smiled in his adorable genuine way. His smile was benign as a rabbit, or as Eric might prefer a "duckie."  
  
I couldn't believe I was actually sitting in a park in upstate New York with my newest love interest, hopefully my final love interest. We are a far cry from anything final though, and both he and I know it. We are just beginning, barely a week from the time his lips had first met mine.  
  
We have not even told anyone besides Cory, Topanga, and of coarse Mr. Feeny yet. I have to tell Jack, but I feel for Eric. He must tell his parents, I am thankful to be spared of that torture. How can one imagine the turnouts that may have? I feel for the Matthews too, not only will Eric be coming out but Cory will also have to tell them Topanga is pregnant. I only pray Morgan will keep the house sane, and little Josh is still too young to understand.  
  
Eric turned to look into my eyes. I suppose I was looking lost in my thoughts, and Eric did not seem to mind. That was the beauty of him. He would wait until I was ready to talk to do so.  
  
I simply smiled and leaned in for the touch of his gentle lips as his playfully ran his hand through the back of my thick hair.  
  
Eric stopped the passion abruptly, "Shawn. . . what was that secret you never told me?"  
  
My eyes contracted in fear as I thought back to the day so long ago.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~FLASHBACK~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey Cor," Shawn's sixteen year old self said to his best friend as he entered Cory's room through the window at eleven 'o clock at night on a Saturday, " how was your date with Topanga?"  
  
Cory stared glassy eyed at the window at which Shawn had come, "She's mad at me again," he stated with no emotion.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I said I was tired of buying slacks."  
  
"Oh what a crime," Shawn said in an overdramatic tone of voice as he fell onto Eric's mattress.  
  
Eric was no doubt out on one of his dates, Shawn thought. He always seemed to have a girlfriend, even though something seemed to be missing from his relationships.  
  
"I should have just gone to the slack store, apparently they were having a sale."  
  
"Cory," Shawn declared exasperatedly as he went over to Cory's bed," she's gonna have to deal with the fact that you're a guy and that you're going to make her mad over and over again. Its what guys do."  
  
The comment stripped Cory of his gaze, "I know." He turned around quickly and came near to Shawn's face, his senses heightening.  
  
"Shawn," he said slowly, "you have beautiful eyes. I can't believe I've never noticed them before."  
  
Shawn swallowed, "Thanks Cor."  
  
Before Shawn could say another uncomfortable sentence, Cory was on top of him kissing Shawn like he had never been kissed before. It was sensual and passionate, yet had a deeper spiritual side to the kiss.  
  
A thought took Shawn by surprise. . . he enjoyed the kiss. . . and why did Cory administer the kiss? Cory unpredictably broke away from Shawn with another dazed look in his eyes.  
  
"I'm so sorry Shawn. . . I. . . I can't believe I just did that. I was just thinking about Topanga. . . " he trailed on but Shawn didn't hear it. So Shawn was just a substitute for the all-mighty Topanga.  
  
"We can never tell anyone about this okay Shawn?" Cory said panicked.  
  
"Of coarse not," Shawn managed to say, "its. . .I mean. . .who would I tell? And why? I'm Shawn, your best friend. . . nothing more."  
  
"Right. . . you're Shawn 'I go through three girls a day' Hunter."  
  
"Yeah," Shawn said disappointed, "that's me."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*End of FLASHBACK~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Shawn?" Eric asked again, "are you going to tell me?"  
  
"My secret. . . was," I needed to think quickly, " was that you are the best kisser I have ever known. I was just too scared to admit it then."  
  
Eric smiled not knowing what his brother and I had done.  
  
A/N Okay.. . . now I'm pretty sure I summed up the story a little better. I uploaded the last chapter and I was still unhappy and as one reviewer told me, I had forgotten to reveal what Shawn's secret was. Thank you for telling me! ( I am quite embarrassed now but. . .that's okay) Anyways review/flame. Just be honest! 


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